Hue Bailey crumbly rolled over in bed. "What was that incessant electronic squawking?" he wondered. Of course he knew what it was but he didn’t want to admit it, he didn’t want to get up just yet. Angrily he hit the snooze button for the third time that morning. "Every day the same thing!" he grumbled. His whole body felt as if the air was pushing down on him with incredible force. Exhausted, Hue just didn’t have the energy to get out of bed.

Five minutes later when his alarm went off again, Hue unplugged it and went back to sleep. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to get up to enjoy the day but rather he knew he would enjoy the day more if he slept through it. He was now twenty minutes late for work.

Before he could fall into the pleasant dream state he loved so much, he heard a high pitched shrill bellow from his computer. Hue slowly rose from his bed. He was in no rush. Although he had the best intentions and wanted to be to work on time, he just couldn’t seem to move. It was a problem common to many humanoid life forms on the planet Earth. Especially those who as Hue, resided in the United States of America Incorporated. In the U.S.A. INC™ productivity was valued above all other human attributes as the most prized and sought after quality, thus people wanted to be productive but for some reason many people just couldn’t seem to move in the morning. The people suffering from this "illness" came from many different economic and work backgrounds. It was called APSD or Anti Productivity Sleep Disorder by the many doctors called upon by the government to eradicate the enemy of a "well-balanced and healthy society." A popular saying , immortalized by the former president George Evert was: "Kill it before it spreads". This of course referred to the APSD. After that, the term APSD became a common house hold word. Though the average citizen didn’t know what the letters APSD meant almost everyone knew it was bad, and almost everyone knew where to buy the pills to counteract the disease.

Hue turned his computer on and looked at the caller ID box in the upper left hand corner. Of course he already knew who it was. It seemed as if his work had to call him at least twice a week just to get him to show up. "It’s a wonder they don’t fire me" Hue thought as he moved the arrow on the screen with the touch-pad , located on the center of his keyboard. He clicked on the answer button.

A clear picture of Hue’s boss rapidly materialized on the screen. "It’s a wonder I don’t fire you! I’ve had it with this late crap!" he hollered.

"Yea I’m on my way" Hue replied in a low monotone voice.

"Yea It looks like it! You get down here as soon as you can! Were busy and you know if you don’t like your job then I can find someone else who will!"

"I’ll be down as soon as I can" Hue responded despondently.

He wasn’t all that angry or even annoyed. Although he was almost always enveloped by a mild, dull, depression, the best way to describe Hue was overtly apathetic, accompanied by a gloomy sense of certain disaster brought on by his agnostic beliefs.

"Get down here NOW!" screamed Hue’s boss.

The image of Hue’s disgruntled, obese, manager cut out.

Hue couldn’t afford to lose his job. The job market in the U.S.A. INC.™ was extremely competitive and he knew if he was to be processed by the Unemployment Computer he would most certainly be stuck working a menial job at a factory.

Pondering this thought Hue opened his airtight food storage unit. In the old days humans stored food in cupboards and on shelves, a practice long dead with all of the humanoids that died of "unnecessary germs". About two centuries ago the Association of Medical Research (AMR™) declared that "while some germs are a necessary part of the ecosystem, germs that may spread to food products meant for human consumption could be, and probably are unnecessary and thus could lead to, but probably won’t lead to, unnecessary death." After that Health Departments across the company (U.S.A. INC.™) declared that cupboards and shelves were no longer sanitary for food storage in public restaurants. This in turn caused widespread panic amongst the consumers of the United States of America Incorporated. Luckily the innovative people at Borson’s and Johnson™ were quickly able to come to the rescue with the first ever, airtight, food storage, unit. Though it looked just like a cupboard it was sealed with an air vacuum system that kept food "Fresh and germ free".

Hue pulled a can of Happy Harvest Coffee™ out of the food storage unit. On the label was the image of a Brazilian farmer smiling from ear to ear. Hue looked down at the company slogan printed under the proud and dignified guy. "I work hard so you don’t have to" it said.

Hue shook his head and looked at it again. "Working hard to bring you the best in quality" it said.

"What’s the difference?" Hue murmured as he started a pot of coffee and cobbled over to a chair in the corner. Hue picked up the electronic remote for his computer and zapped it on again. Like always the news broadcaster was wearing a well crafted suit and tie both of which were sporting the small emblem of a cartoon robot . The cartoon robot was the logo of the Micronetics™ Advanced Technologies Company which was one of the sponsors of Channel 9 news™. Sound blasted out of the speakers surrounding the room:

"Once again terrorist s from the Coalition of the United Nations of the Middle East claimed they couldn’t stop the rising oil prices. According to the rebels the high prices of gas can be attributed to the growing scarcity of crude oil in Middle Eastern nations. Here to comment on this statement via RapiNet™, yes RapiNet™ the fastest internet service provider, is non other than Bill Johnson author of the book ‘Terrorist Scum’ and expert on Mid-eastern affairs…Hi Bill, Bill can you tell our viewers what’s really happening in the Middle East?"

"Why yes Tom, I certainly can. As far as we can tell the terrorists have been strategically manipulating the market in an effort to make it appear as if there’s an international oil crisis. We believe the rebels are trying to wage an economic war in a futile effort to humiliate the consumers of the U.S.A. INC.™"

"And what do you think would be the best course of action for the nation to take against this aggressive act of economic terrorism?"

Bill started to answer "well I think…wait a minute …I’m not going to give it away. If you want to know what the best solution to the problem is you’ll have to read my book."

"There you have it folks. All you need to know is in the book. Bill Johnson’s book ‘Terrorist Scum’ can be ordered from our sponsors at www.BookMore.com. We accept VISA™ and MasterCard™…AND in more news…"

Hue turned the computer off and lethargically moved towards the bathroom. He knew he had better get ready for work, but he just didn’t seem to have enough energy. It seemed that every day he could remember had started in almost the same way. Of course his boss didn’t call every day, but he always woke up lacking the energy and motivation necessary to be highly productive. He knew what he was going to do that day, because every day was the same, and he didn’t feel as if he had anything to look forward to. Just like every other day Hue would work between eight to thirteen hours following up by collapsing on his couch at home. Of course he did have the weekend to look forward to but weekends just didn’t seem to have the same effect on Hue as they had on the other humans.

The main reason for this was that Hue didn’t participate in the social act of ethanol consumption. Ethanol was a liquid substance that produced an intoxicating effect and was enjoyed by an incredibly large percentage of the population of the company. Ninety-five percent of the consumers of the U.S.A. INC.™ enjoyed alcoholic beverages on weekends. A whopping eighty-nine percent of who enjoyed alcoholic beverages almost every night of the week. More importantly than that, however, was the function of ethanol in human mating rituals. Over the centuries alcohol consumption had become an intrinsic part of the social programming of humans especially in courting and mating rituals. Females had been socialized to seek out a "desirable" mate while under the influence of alcohol. Traditionally this would be done at a bar or pub, though many of the younger girls looked for their mates at house parties. Governed by the laws of a complex set of social norms, females would seek a companion who was intoxicated . Males of course were governed by a similar set of social rules and norms as well. In the U.S.A. INC™ alcohol consumption was the number one cause of all pregnancies, marriages, divorces, and car accidents followed by free will as the second leading cause of such things. Since Hue didn’t drink he wasn’t able to start a family nor did he have many friends. Consequently he didn’t enjoy weekends as much as the other workers.

It wasn’t the fact that alcohol created plastic and fake relationships between people, nor was it the fact that alcohol was the main cause of much of the human suffering in the country that stopped Hue from drinking. The main reason Hue didn’t drink was because he believed drinking made people weak. Hue saw alcohol as a form of pacification and oppression. Whether it was a conscious conspiracy or an unconscious coincidence it just didn’t matter. Hue didn’t want to be anymore apathetic than he already was. Deep down inside Hue knew there was something wrong with the way things were but he just couldn’t quite express it. Of course Hue was usually too busy to ponder such things, and if he wasn’t too busy he just didn’t have the energy.

An hour and a half after Hue’s boss had called him, Hue was on his way to work and was puttering down the highway towards his place of employment listening to the radio the whole way. "It’s another scorcher out there folks! We’ve got record highs all across the company today, hagh, and we’ll be heaten it up more after a short commercial break from our sponsors." Hue looked down at the radio and changed the station. When he looked up he was quite surprised to see that there was an angry man piloting a vehicle along side of him. The driver was screaming and shouting at him.

"Get off the road you turtle driving mother fucker!" screamed the driver of the other vehicle. "Some of us have jobs to get to!"

It was true that Hue wasn’t the fastest driver in the city but he had been driving the speed limit when the man had started yelling at him. Although many humans were in the habit of disregarding the speed limit, speed limits were strictly enforced by the ENFORCERS™. The ENFORCERS™ made up the bulk of the legislative branch that governed and enforced order upon the U.S.A. INC™. Breaking an imposed speed limit was punishable by a heavy fine due to the fact that the driver of a vehicle couldn’t read the bill boards and advertisements if he or she was traveling at a rate of speed exceeding the limit.

As the man next to Hue glared at him with a look of disdain, Hue casually looked over and held out his hand, extending his middle finger. "Piss off" he barked. Of course this gesture, on the part of Hue, angered the already disgruntled driver to the point of swerving. As he swerved back and forth across the lane he came inches away from scraping the side of Hue’s car. He was screaming and shouting the whole time. "I’LL KILL YOU! I’LL BLOW YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF!" he shouted as the two cars rolled up to a red stop light…There was a long moment of silence. Due to a complex system of social rules and norms neither driver would look at the other…

Looking straight ahead Hue’s skin felt as if it had been pulled tight like a pair of synthetic leather pants. A bead of sweat rolled down the side of his face. He was uneasy and nervous and he just wanted to feel the sensation of motion…

Finally the light turned green. Released both drivers sped away shouting insults at each other.

Hue pulled into the parking lot of the MaxiTouch™ commercial photography corporation, and parked his car in his assigned spot in the last row. He couldn’t believe that in the year 4594 humans still drove automobiles. Though they had come a long way since their invention in 1893 automobiles were by and large a crude technology for a race of people that had colonized outer-space. Better forms of transportation had been invented but for some reason Congress™ had always passed legislation to hinder the advancement of such technologies.

One such technology was the Micronetics™ matter transport beam which could send people up to three hundred miles within seconds. Though it was perfectly safe Congress™ put into effect a law limiting the projection distance to "No more than one city block" in the passing of the "DrillMore™ Oil" bill in 2568. Stepping out of his car Hue walked directly to the Micronetics™ matter transport system. "Main entrance" he said.

Hue re-materialized on the silver-colored, Micronetics™ atom-correction pad in front of the main desk in the MaxiTouch™ lounge area. "Late again are we?" said the familiar voice of the man sitting at the desk.

The man was wearing a blue uniform and hat. From his belt hung a heavy duty flashlight, handcuffs, and a night stick made by BillyBeater™. With an official looking badge pinned to his uniform the man almost looked like an ENFORCER™. Of course he didn’t have such luck. He was only a measly security guard working for minimum wage. Minimum wage was five dollars and fifteen cents an hour.

"Yea…" Hue droned while looking away. There was a long pause. "Well…you…ugh…you know how it is".

"Y-e-a…" said the security guard awkwardly.

"Well…" said Hue "I should be going" Hue had already started towards the door to his work zone. He didn’t really know how to communicate very well. I guess you could say he was agoraphobic. Agoraphobia was the fear of being around people. It must be noted, however, that Hue’s agoraphobia didn’t hold him back like it did so many other people. Hue’s apathy combined with his APSD (Anti Productivity Sleep Disorder) worked in such a way as to alleviate the symptoms of his agoraphobia. At times Hue came off as being a friendly, go get em, people person, just because he was too tired and didn’t care what other people thought. Thus in an awkward social situation Hue would often remain calm and relaxed because he really didn’t care what the outcome was going to be.

It is also important to note that agoraphobia its self was the focus of a heated controversy. Hue only knew what he had learned from watching the news reports on his computer. On one side of the issue people working for AMR™ (the association of medical researchers) were arguing that agoraphobia was in fact a harmful medical disorder that hindered progress. AMR™ was supported in this claim by a large majority of the consumers of the U.S.A. INC™ because there had always been a tradition in the company to weed out "bad chickens". A bad chicken was a person that didn’t adapt well to bureaucracy. People with agoraphobia generally didn’t adapt well to bureaucracy.

On the other side of the issue were people who argued that agoraphobia was a "natural" and "social" response to the modern social/economic system. These radical liberals claimed that it was an inevitable reaction to the "high population, lack of space and crowded cities" as well as a response to the "dehumanizing" modes of production. In an attempt to humiliate the consumers of the U.S.A. INC™ these extremists had blocked off the entrance to the AMR™ headquarters in a vicious protest against what they called the "unjust" representation of big business by AMR™.

Upon entering his work zone Hue accidentally let out a long sigh. Hue’s boss did not seem pleased. "What the hell reason do you have to sigh about!" he screamed.

Hue’s eyes glazed over as he looked away from his boss and fastened his attention on the wall. He had put himself in "off mode". He really didn’t care what his boss was screaming at him about. It didn’t matter. If Hue had thought he could find better work in the competitive job market he would have quit a long time before. The only reason he hadn’t been fired was that Hue’s boss couldn’t find anyone to work at the low wage that Hue was willing to work at. Hue was willing to work at the minimum wage. Suddenly Hue heard a series of sounds that seemed to comprise an important message.

"Are you listening to me Hue Bailey?"

Hue turned himself back on and answered with an apathetic "Yea…".

"Then get to work! And don’t expect to receive a rest cycle today!"

With his head hung down Hue went to his work station and began to cut the celery that was soaking in the stainless steel sink. He was tired and just didn’t seem to have any energy.

Every commercial photography company had at least one employee known as a food stylist. The function of the food stylist was to prepare food to be photographed or filmed just as a make-up artist would prepare an actor on a movie set. The object was to make a food product look as desirable and attractive as possible.

As Hue cut celery he wondered what it would be like to be the food stylist… Hue was the assistant prep-cook for the food stylist in the planning and testing division of the MaxiTouch™ commercial photography company. It was Hue’s job to aid the head prep-cook in the preparation of food products in whatever way mandated by the food stylist so as to test potential food arrangements for aesthetic value. For the current project the food stylist wanted to see what a giant pile of perfectly cut celery sticks would look like piled next to a car. Hue would have to prepare about one-hundred cases of celery before he could move on to the next project (the food stylist wanted to see how the same photograph would look with carrots).

While Hue cut celery he struggled to put himself in off mode. That was one of the problems with Hue’s job. The boredom and monotony produced by the incessant celery cutting were strong enough to cause Hue to want to turn himself off, but the tediousness of his work combined with outside distractions made it very difficult for him to do so. It felt similar to the way a person might feel if he or she were trying to sleep but couldn’t for whatever reason. Though sometimes Hue managed to turn himself off, most often he did not. Work was like staring at a brick wall for twelve hours without losing consciousness. The sad thing was that life was the same way.

Of course Hue was luckier than some people. Factory workers and people that worked on the line didn’t get to listen to the Internet while they worked. Even though Hue didn’t particularly like the music that was broadcast on RadioNet™, it was better than nothing and it made time seem to go by faster.

The reason he didn’t particularly like the music broadcast on RadioNet™ was because it all sounded the same to him. He couldn’t really distinguish between the songs because they were all written using the same rhythm and beat. All of the singers sang in the same manner and about the same things. This was of course in order to assure the marketability of the music. In order to insure the marketability of a song it had to follow certain "rules". As far as content was concerned, if an artist wanted to market his music, his songs could only be written about love and ethanol consumption. Of course nationalistic songs that depicted the company as a good place to live were also accepted due to the strong feelings of patriotism possessed by the consumers of the U.S.A. INC™ who thought their company was the freest and most democratic of them all. Anything else was considered unmarketable and would not be played or distributed by most music corporations.

As Hue struggled with making the decision between turning himself off and listening to "Girls Red White and Blue" by the popular group FreeBeer™ he was disrupted by the metallic droning sound of Andrew the dishbot. Though most dishbots were made by the Micronetics™ company, Andrew was an outdated model created by two humanoid life forms under the influence of ethanol. These "outdated dishbots" had been eliminated by and large due to the fact that they created unnecessary overhead and were less productive. The only reason Andrew was still around was because his wage actually amounted to less than the cost of oil, and service charges for the newer more efficient dishbots.

"I don’t have anything to do" groaned Andrew. "I don’t have any dishes to wash."

"Do you really think that if you did you would be more content?" Hue replied.

"Time seems to go by faster when I’m working."

"But washing dishes is a monotonous task that hardly requires consciousness. You should put yourself in off mode." Hue said. "Or you could just stare at the wall" he added apathetically.

"No! I can’t turn myself on and off like you can. Some of us have no choice but to remain conscious. Can I help you cut celery?"

Of course Hue wasn’t about to say no. The sooner he got done cutting celery, the sooner he could move on to carrots.

"I guess so" Hue responded despondently.

By letting Andrew help him Hue was taking a risk. If he and Andrew could manage to hold a decent conversation time might actually seem to go by faster, but if they didn’t Andrew would only prevent Hue from putting himself in off mode thus elongating the already long work day. If things didn’t work out there would be no chance for Hue to put himself in off mode. Though he rarely succeeded in turning himself off for a long period of time while at work, it was often the idea that the possibility existed, that kept him going . But as Hue soon found out his fears were unwarranted.

As it turned out Andrew and Hue had a wonderfully adequate and mediocre conversation. Time seemed to go by faster and Hue stopped trying to put himself in off mode as they discussed everything ranging from sports to the weather. Though the conversation would have been labeled as "small talk" by people from the twenty-first century, it was adequate to pass the time. Besides that’s how most people talked in the year 4594. There was never enough time to talk about much else. Anyhow all was going well until Andrew had to bring up politics.

"Who are you going to vote for in the elections?" Andrew asked.

If there was anything that Hue didn’t want to talk about it was politics. Though it is true that talking about sports and weather might not have been the most exiting thing in the world it had been serving to pass the time. But there was nothing more boring than politics. Every four years it was the same thing. Politicians always made promises they couldn’t keep. The rich got richer and the poor got poorer which caused social conflicts and turmoil. The politicians always promised to raise the living standards of the impoverished but they could never succeed for some reason. During all of this the middle class would try to forget they were alive. "If only I could forget I was alive" Hue thought to himself.

The reason Hue didn’t like to talk about politics was because it was completely mundane. All one needed to do, to see what was going to happen, was open a history book.

Although there were hundreds of political parties, there were only two that were considered important by the consumers of the U.S.A. INC™. The liberal DemocratiCONS™ and the conservative RepubliCONS™ had been fighting over how best to run the company since the whole thing had been started. Every four years the DemocratiCONS™ and the RepubliCONS™ would get ready for the campaign by launching public opinion probes. During this stage of the campaign process the DemocratiCONS™ and the RepubliCONS™ would compile information about the wants and desires of the public so they could construct the best droids to run for office. Being programmed with the information collected by the public opinion probes the droids would be better suited to address the public on matters of importance and would always tell people what they wanted to hear during the campaign.

Of course there were many people who thought the whole system was corrupt. According to them the public opinion probes didn’t help to represent the public but rather served to oppress it. According to these people the DemocratiCONS™ and the RepubliCONS™ only served to represent the interests of multinational corporations. They said that true democracy had died. Despite the fact that the media discredited these people as "extremists" most of them kept on being skeptical and their numbers were growing. Some people had even formed into protest groups to fight what they called an "undemocratic government". These people were labeled as rebels by most news stations.

Though the more extreme protest groups were organized well enough to pose a threat to the DemocratiCONS™ and the RepubliCONS™ they didn’t have the numbers. What they needed was for people to come together. If all of the people who were skeptical of the system were just willing to vote for someone other than one of the two well established parties everything would change. Of course this would never happen.

Most people couldn’t vote for anyone other than the DemocratiCONS™ or the RepubliCONS™ due to their socialization. Though it was a strange phenomena, for some reason most people were controlled by a complicated set of social rules and norms that wouldn’t allow them to vote for anyone other than the DemocratiCONS™ or the RepubliCONS™. Even if a consumer believed the government was corrupt, he or she couldn’t do anything to change it. Change just wasn’t in the programming.

"Well…are you going to vote or not?"

Hue suddenly realized he had been in off mode for almost five minutes. What was that incessant electronic squawking? he wondered. Of course he knew what it was but he just didn’t want to admit it. It was Andrew the dishbot asking him about politics.

"Are you awake?" Andrew asked in a sarcastic tone of voice. "Who are you going to vote for?"

With complete and total indifference Hue responded in a low voice. "I’m not going to vote" he said.

"What do you mean you’re not going to vote? You have to vote man! It’s your responsibility! It’s your civic duty!"

"Why?" Hue asked despondently. He hoped Andrew would have a lot to say about the subject. Maybe he could put himself in off mode again.

"What do you mean why? It’s your chance to make a difference." Andrew blasted the words out as if he really believed them.

"Make a difference? Ha, ha, ha You only have one vote!" Hue had cracked a big grin across his face. It was the first time he had smiled that day. "How does your vote make a difference?" Hue questioned. As he looked at Andrew he could tell that the gears in his head were working very hard to process the information.

"Voting is what makes a democracy work! If people didn’t vote then anyone could assume the presidency. By voting we assure that the people who work in our government are representing the masses" Andrew looked relieved. He knew he had said the right thing. No one would argue against that, people had been saying it for years.

"For thousands of years we have only voted for the DemocratiCONS™ and the RepubliCONS™ while people say that they only represent the desires of those in power and not those of the masses. For thousands of years we have ignored the hundreds of other political parties in this company. Did you know that some of them even run humans for office? How can voting make a difference if people only vote for the same political parties representing the same ideas while nothing ever changes?"

Watching Andrew, Hue got the idea that his circuits were working very hard to come up with a good response.

"They run humans!"

"Some of them do."

"That’s preposterous. The presidency is too demanding for a human. I mean, sure, a human might be good enough for some of those other countries, but this is the U.S.A. INC™! The responsibility is to big, and besides who could work those long hours?" Andrew was getting very excited.

"So you don’t think that any of the other political parties have anything to offer?" Hue asked.

"Well…I mean I know there are lots of ‘political parties’ but everyone knows that the DemocratiCONS™ and the RepubliCONS™ are the only real ones. Non of the other parties have a chance…they don’t have enough power or experience."

"Well I’m not going to vote" Hue replied.

"Oh man, but you have to… the RepubliCONS™ have got a new droid this year. He’s (all presidential droids were engendered male) been wired with new Micronetics™ processing technology, equipped with Internet plug-ins and everything. And they took care of that glitch with the battery that the last one had. Ha, ha, ha this time his batteries won’t go dead during the inauguration."

Hue felt too exhausted for conversation. As he tried to go through the motions, he felt himself losing consciousness. Hues eyelids drooped heavily as he fixed his eye on the cutting board and drifted away.






When Hue heard the buzzing of the clock on the wall his body jerked to attention. It was time to go already! "Wow" Hue thought. "I must have been in off mode for the last five hours of my shift."

Hue was astonished. It had been the best day he could remember. Time had seemed to go by faster than usual and he had gotten better at ignoring the outside distractions that usually prevented him from turning himself off.

Hue looked down at his cutting board and saw that he was in the process of peeling a carrot. He had made the switchover from celery to carrots sometime while he was in off mode. As Hue gathered himself to take the knife and cutting board over to the dish machine, he remembered he had been carrying on a conversation with Andrew the dishbot about the time he had turned himself off. Setting his cutting board near the dish machine Hue wondered if he had continued the conversation with Andrew while he was in off mode or if he had just ignored him until he left. Hue knew that he very well could have done either. Sometimes if he tried really hard Hue could remember parts of a given conversation he had had while in off mode like the illusory shreds of a dream. Of course Hue wasn’t going to waste anytime thinking about it…he really didn’t care at all.

After a brief conversation with the security guard at the front door of the MaxiTouch™ reception area Hue stepped on to the Micronetics™ matter transport system "back lot" he said.

Hue re-materialized on the Micronetics™ atom correction pad in parking lot two. "God damn this thing" Hue grumbled to himself as he set out towards his car. The matter transport system had sent him to the wrong parking lot.

Hue looked back towards the building and saw the security guard looking out the window. He was holding up a handful of wires and laughing. "Very funny…jerk" Hue groveled as he walked. He didn’t really mind walking. It was a beautiful night. The stars were glistening brightly, the air was brittle and cool. Walking was something that Hue hadn’t been doing enough of .

As Hue walked his shoes clopped against the cold asphalt. The parking lot was practically empty. It was nice to be alone. Enjoying the lucidity of the night brought Hue a certain peace and clarity. As he took a breath of relatively fresh air and tried to empty his head of negative thoughts he heard the clicking of foot steps coming up behind him. "Hue is that you?". The voice pierced through him like bullets.

The annoying sounds invading Hue’s moment of peace belonged to a young woman by the name of Rachel. Rachel was a ravishing brunet with long fine hair. She was considered flawless by the countless number of men that followed her. Of course being "flawless" she was the target of a plethora of the usual preprogrammed remarks at the local bars and clubs. Indeed being with Rachel was a dream come true for most men.

When she approached Hue, he could only think of one thing to say. "Christ…what the hell do you want?" he said. It wasn’t that Hue despised her, he was much to apathetic to despise her, rather he just didn’t enjoy her company all that much. She was shallow, selfish, and extremely vain. On one occasion she had told him that she was the most beautiful princess in the world. It made Hue sick to talk to her but from time to time he would. She had taken an interest in him and was always asking him to take her out. From time to time Hue would consider the possibility. Due to the lack of ethanol in his blood stream Hue hadn’t had sex for nearly five years. His liver was in good health and he hadn’t killed anyone in an alcohol related car accident, thus it was a miracle that a girl as attractive as Rachel had taken an interest in him. Never the less Hue would usually turn her down. Although she slept around a lot Hue knew she had a boy friend, and he didn’t want to get in the middle of anything. Besides he was usually so apathetic that she would have had to carry him if she wanted him to go out with her.

Hue was always apathetic when it came to women. Of course he missed the sensation of making love he had experienced with his fiancée. She had left him five years prior for an alcoholic who "liked to have fun". Despite the fact he missed having sex, it just wasn’t worth the humiliation required to obtain it. Besides Hue had suffered too much heartache already. The last thing he wanted was to fall in love again. Falling in love, or rather falling out of love, just hurt too much. Hue thought he was better off feeling nothing. While contemplating Hue suddenly came to a grand realization. Maybe he was looking at Rachel the wrong way. She was perfect for him! She was too self absorbed to notice his apathy and too wretched to fall in love with. And to top it all of she was beautiful.

"Oh…I was just wondering…what you were doing tonight" she said.

"Nothing. Would you like to go do something?"

For a moment Rachel looked shocked. "That’s what I was going to ask you" she said.

"Great I’ll drive" Hue didn’t even make an effort to sound pleased, he didn’t have to. As they both piled into his car Hue noticed that Rachel was in high spirits. Of course this was nothing new. Rachel was always happy. "Where do you want to go?" Hue asked.

"How about the park down by the river" she said.

"O.K." he replied in a monotone voice as he started the car and turned on the radio.

The announcers voice was loud and punchy as it cut through the silence of Rachel’s talking. As she was telling him about her day, Hue honed in on the radio. "Once again chaos broke out on the Mars2 space station as a group of nonviolent terrorists blocked off the entrance to the AMR™ administrative office in a peaceful protest against the recent claims of the organization. Here to comment on the situation is our very own Terry Whitman talking to us live from the Mars2 space station. Terry what caused this rebel out break?"

"I’ve been talking to protesters all day long and it seems that they all have the same misconception. They claim that they are outraged by the recent statement made by the doctors in the AMR™ psychology department that pessimism is a mental health disorder . According to the rebels this is an obvious move to exploit the public by a corrupt system controlled by multinational corporations. They say the public should be outraged and they will not sit by without taking action."

"Terry do you think these rebels pose a threat to the people of Earth?"

"Why yes Bob I certainly do. I think a good majority of the rebels here are outraged because they don’t want to come to grips with the reality of their situation."

"Terry are you saying that the population on the Mars2 space station has been infected with pessimism and that is the real reason behind their struggle."

"Yes Bob that’s exactly what I’m saying and if we’re not careful the disease could spread"

"There you have it folks. The road to recovery starts with acceptance."

"That’s right Bob. I can see the glass getting fuller right now as we speak"

"Ha, ha, ha"

"Ha, ha, ha"

"And now a word from our sponsors."

As the commercials started Hue thought about the Mars2 space station. If ever there was going to be change it would come from the Mars2 space station. People had been going there for years to get away from the "politics" of Earth. It was an older space station that was considered "third world and crass" by the upper class who would have had it demolished if it hadn’t become a counter culture Mecca after the great computer wars. Hippies and cyber-punks had been vacationing there for years in an effort to escape the structure and bureaucracy of the company and it was said to be the home to a small but well organized group of "nonviolent terrorists".

As Hue was thinking about the space station he heard a series of vocal vibrations that seemed to be trying urgently to grasp his attention. The series of vocal vibrations split through Hue like a cold shard of ice. "Don’t you think so?" asked Rachel.

"What?" replied Hue in a sharp voice. He was now wondering if it had been a mistake to ask Rachel out. Why couldn’t she leave him alone until they got to where ever it was they were going?

"Some music would be nice, don’t you think so?"

"Yea sure. Turn it to whatever station you want" Hue replied.

He didn’t mean to be so cold and apathetic towards her. After all it was his decision to take her out but he just couldn’t help but be annoyed. He was so accustom to the alienation it was hard for him to get along with people sometimes. He liked to retreat into the comfort of his own reality. Of course he hadn’t always been this way. Hue remembered how different he was when he had been with his fiancée. When he was in love he almost felt human. Of course that was a long time ago. "I’m sorry" Hue said.

"For what?"

Hue had forgotten who he was dealing with.

"I’m sorry we didn’t decide to do this earlier" he replied unemotionally. Maybe this night would change him. Maybe a good night alone with a beautiful young woman would bring him out of his shell! As Hue thought about it he felt himself getting excited. Maybe he would get wild. Maybe he would allow himself to have "fun". Maybe he would make love to her. After all it had been a long time. As Rachel began to giggle Hue knew he had said the right thing, even if he was lacking the delivery.

"You know" she said "this is our destiny."

Or maybe not…

At least it was a break in routine.






Sitting by the bank of the river Rachel clung to Hue l intimately. It had been a long time since Hue had been this close to a woman. Despite his apathy Hue couldn’t help but feel a warm buzz as Rachel rested her head on his shoulder. In the park the night air was cool and fresh. While the couple sat in silence they could hear the coarse croaking of frogs. The sky was clear and the stars glistened brightly as the lucid reflection of a full moon emulated from the river serenely.

"Isn’t the moon beautiful?" Rachel whispered softly.

Hue responded in a bitter voice. "It looked better before they turned it into a billboard for McDonalds™" he said.

Just ten years prior McDonalds™ had bought the moon for advertising purposes and converted it into the largest billboard in existence. As if building a McDonalds™ in almost every city on the world hadn’t been enough, McDonalds™ felt the need to put its logo on the moon too. The source of a large controversy, the decision had also been the reason that India had gone to war with the U.S.A. INC™.

Declaring that the U.S.A. INC™ was "evil" India vowed to fight until the end of their civilization. Ten days later, when their civilization ended, the first McDonalds™ was built on top of the smoldering ruins of the capitol which was renamed Beefstone. Ronald McDonald was inaugurated as the leader of a puppet government and the survivors of the war were taunted as "McLosers".

It was no laughing matter.

"Well… I like the moon this way" Rachel said. "It’s original."

Not knowing what to say to this, Hue leaned over to give her a kiss. At this point the conversation had become so wretched that Hue couldn’t bear it. Maybe kissing her would be better than talking to her. As he softly and passionately touched her lips with his, kissing her tenderly as if he felt nothing but the purest love, all Hue could think about was what she had just said. "She thinks the moon is more original as a McDonalds™ logo" he thought with disdain. He knew now why he had chosen to abstain from sex for so long.

As Hue found himself passionately intertwined with Rachel, the beautiful woman she was, he couldn’t help but become aroused. As he began to move with more force and purpose it appeared that Hue’s apathy had stepped out of his body for a moment. Of course it hadn’t. Hue’s response was none other than the biological response of any human who hadn’t had sex for five years (as if it happened all so often). As Hue’s body reacted with biological fervor he couldn’t help but think it wasn’t what he had expected.

During the five years that Hue hadn’t been with a woman he had always assumed that it was something special. After all it always had been in the past. Though Hue was never willing to subject himself to the humiliation involved in "finding someone" he had always looked upon his lack of experience as the source of his apathetic view of life. He had always assumed when he finally found someone to be with he would be happier, even if he didn’t love her.

As Hue moved up and down over Rachel’s quivering body he couldn’t help but feel disappointed. This was sex! This was what he had been missing! Hue suddenly realized that he had been deceiving himself. This most certainly was not the answer. As Rachel began to groan Hue felt the heavy dull haze of indifference returning to him. As he thought about the events of the night, he realized how deep-rooted his dislike for Rachel really was. She was everything he despised in humanity.

As the moment of passion heightened Rachel began to cry out. "Oh Hue" she screamed. "You’re so good." But as Rachel gasped words of appraisal, Hue couldn’t hear a word she was saying…he had put himself in off mode.

Ten minutes after the event had started Hue was forced to turn himself back on. "What was that incessant robotic squawking?" Hue wondered. Of course he knew what it was but he didn’t want to admit it. Then again what did it really matter.

Looming above the couple was a six and a half foot wall of steel plated muscle. "Get up you two!" shouted the ENFORCER™. "Don’t you two know it’s against the law to have sex in the park after dark?"

Hue slowly put his cloths on as the void of silence followed the ENFORCER’S™ question. Hue’s apparent lack of fear seemed to agitate the ENFORCER™. "Yes" said Hue with utter lassitude.

"Oh so we have a smart ass" barked the ENFORCER™.

"No" said Hue in the same tone of voice.

"Get over here you little prick" growled the ENFORCER™. "I want you to walk a straight line for me"

Without wobbling the slightest Hue walked a perfectly straight line towards the ENFORCER™. "Would you like me to do cart wheels too?" asked Hue. He really didn’t care. He probably would have done them too.

"Another comment like that and I’m gonna haul you in boy!" said the ENFORCER™ as he pulled out an electronic breath analyze r that was capable of reading the blood alcohol level of a person with acute accuracy.

Pulling the electronic breath analyzer away from Hue’s lips the ENFORCER™ expressed his dismay with an unpleasant frown. "Why you read a perfect zero!" shouted the ENFORCER™. "I haven’t seen a person read a perfect zero in years. What the hell’s a matter with you? Don’t you drink?"

"Actually no" replied Hue.

"Well, well, well looks like it’s not going to be a boring night after all" said the ENFORCER™ as Rachel interrupted him.

"No, no, no you misunderstood. He meant to say not tonight. We just got off work and we were going to go out drinking later" she said. "It’s all good man…he’s cool."

"No I’m not" said Hue, but neither one of them paid any attention to him.

"Well" said the ENFORCER™. "I can see that you’re not all that bad, considering the compromising situation I found you in, and I never have seen you around here before. I’m going to let you two off with a sex in the park after dark ticket, but the next time I see you guys around here during these hours you better be drunk."

Though abstaining from alcohol hadn’t been outlawed, many of the ENFORCERS™ had taken it upon themselves to abuse their positions as law officers to preach morality. Since not drinking was utterly despised by society there was a movement in Congress™ to enforce ethanol consumption by law. Though the movement hadn’t gained enough support to get the legislation passed most people in the legislative branch of government would look the other way if a "non-drinking terrorist" was beaten beyond recognition, or even killed. There were also many claims being made that judgebots were adding extra time to the sentences of non-drinkers. Of course this was not being denied. According to the 2,956,837,840,405,872,398,330,486,004,921,873,390,555th amendment to the constitution, judgebots were invested with the power to administer "harsher penalties where as seen fit in accordance to issues of morality or lack there of morality as defined by the judgebot" Since all judgebots had been programmed with the same data , compiled from public opinion probes, it followed that non-drinkers would receive stiffer penalties.

Though there was a small group of liberal dissidents against this particular amendment, most people didn’t seem to care much. After all who could argue with the constitution of the U.S.A. INC™? Wasn’t the constitution the document that outlined the fundamental principals of the company? And wasn’t the constitution written by the forefathers of the company in order to ensure there would always be freedom and justice for all?

As the ENFORCER™ handed each of them a ticket Rachel addressed the officer nicely. "Thank you sir, that’s very kind of you" said Rachel in a respectful tone of voice.

"Yea" said Hue "you’re so nice."

The officer flashed Hue a look that would have made most people melt into the ground from fear. Hue gazed at the officer as if he were watching bowling on his computer screen. This is because he was watching bowing on his computer screen, or at least he was imagining it.

"Can we go now?" asked Hue. "This sucks."

If the ENFORCER™ had heard him, Hue would have found out what a BillyBeater™ night stick felt like slapped up against the head. Fortunately for Hue the ENFORCER™ was too distracted by Rachel’s chest to take notice, and soon the two of them were driving away.

As Rachel drove off with the ENFORCER™ Hue couldn’t help but feel relieved. He didn’t have anything to say to her anyhow. Hue looked down at his ticket. He couldn’t believe he had to pay a two-hundred and fifty dollar fine for having sex in the park after dark. It hadn’t been worth it.

Discouraged and disappointed in himself Hue got in his car and drove home. Sex was just like everything else. It sounded like a good idea but it was really just like watching bowling on the computer. Even when he got a strike, it just wasn’t exciting.






The next day Hue rose out of his bed at noon. At first he thought he was late for work, but then he realized it was his day off. He hadn’t had a whole day off from work for three weeks and wasn’t quite sure what he was going to do. Since days off were so rare, Hue always felt like he should do something extra special or important when he had one. Since everything Hue could think of to do was too mundane or "not special enough", Hue would usually just sit around his apartment all day thinking of things to do, and then ruling them out because they were all too "normal". By the end of the day Hue had usually done nothing but sit around and watch his computer. For this reason Hue hated days off.

After he started the coffee Hue flipped on the computer and sat down to watch the afternoon news.

"…And today in an effort to preserve the health and well being of the consumers of the U.S.A. INC™ the AMR™ announced it’s decision to have the Mars2 space station quarantined. That’s right folks nobody on or off until the outbreak of pessimism can be brought under control. And In an unrelated story…"

Before Hue got up to get a cup of his freshly brewed Happy Harvest Coffee™ he switched his computer to a music channel. "Free Beer" by Girls of all colors™ was playing.

Hue was a little concerned about the recent events. Though it ultimately didn’t matter, Hue couldn’t believe the AMR™ had announced that pessimism was a disease and he was worried that someone might mistake his apathy or his APSD for pessimism. After all, where were they going to draw the lines and how different were the three things anyhow? The main problem for Hue was that he wouldn’t have enough money for the medication when they invented it. He could barely afford the dull yellow pills for his APSD. He would surely have to take out another lone. The good thing about healthcare loans was that they were low interest.

As Hue thought about healthcare loans, APSD, and pessimism he suddenly realized that he had requested the day off for an important reason. It was still early for Hue, since he had just woken up and he hadn’t even finished a pot of coffee. His brain circuits were struggling to remember why he had taken the day off when he heard the electronic zapping of his doorbell. It was his brother! Hue’s brother was coming to visit from Chicago!

As Hue jumped up to answer the door his apathy stepped out of his body for a second. He hadn’t seen his brother Vincent for a long time and he missed him terribly. The two brothers were very close and were similar in many ways, thus they were best of friends, which was good considering that many people didn’t even talk to their families. Even married couples didn’t always live together. Many married couples couldn’t live together because they had to work at jobs in different states. Of course they would meet each other every day over the Internet in order to talk or eat together. Most of these "cyber couples" as they were called, had Internet hookups in their bedrooms so they could make love with each other. Hologram technology had come a long way over the years. Many people enjoyed their spouse’s hologram over their "real" spouse because they could edit out unwanted defects and the holograms didn’t age. Most of these people were disappointed when they had to make love to their "real" spouse and preferred living separately. Though Hue and Vincent could have met whenever they wanted to over the Internet they both preferred to meet in person. They were old fashioned.

For a brief moment Hue felt pure joy as he bounded towards the door to talk to his brother. "Vince…how are you brother?" Hue shouted in glee.

Vince looked at Hue with a droopy frown, and then tried to tighten his lips in order to form a smile…he failed. Vince wasn’t fortunate enough to feel the apathy and lack of consideration that Hue felt. Vince actually cared. He cared a lot about many things. Most of all he cared about the plight of people and the "human condition." He had empathy and sympathy for fellow human beings thus he usually felt nothing but the deepest and most profound despair. Vince was clinically depressed.

"Life is the worst thing that ever happened to me" Vince said.

Hue held out his arms and gave him a big hug. "Brother! I love you" he said.

"I love you too" said Vince in a voice that reflected otherwise. Of course Hue didn’t take it personally. He knew that was just how his brother was.

The two brothers sat down to talk. As they began to converse about old times and discuss current events Hues apathy stepped back in. It was never gone long.

"I made the mistake of having sex last night" Hue said.

"Oh no. She was wretched wasn’t she?" said Vince.

"I don’t care" said Hue.

"Oh" said Vince who was trying not to show his disappointment but not doing a very good job at it. "Was she the same one who you said you would never sleep with because her personality ruined it?"

"Yea…how did you know?" asked Hue.

"Who else would have sex with you?" said Vince in a bitter and scornful voice.

Hue was watching bowling on his computer. "Yea, who else?" he said without emotion.

Little did either of them know it but a cat had been on the window ledge outside of Hue’s apartment. It was an adorable little creature with a black body and white spots. Having been stranded three-hundred feet above the ground when it’s owner had shut the window just two apartments down, the cat had come to Hue’s window with the intention of getting back inside. Although the cat couldn’t understand what Hue and Vince were saying it could feel the emotions they were feeling through it’s intuition, like all cats do. Catching the vibe and feeling the energy the cat decided it best not to enter, plunged into despair and hurled it’s self from the window ledge…It did not land on four legs and this of course was on purpose.

While Hue and Vince continued to converse, Vince began to grow hungry. Since Hue hadn’t gone to the grocery store for over a month because he hadn’t the energy, the two decided to go out to a restaurant for lunch. "I don’t want to cook anyhow" said Hue.

Leaving the front door of the apartment complex Hue turned to Vince and asked him a question. "What’s black and white with red all over?" he asked.

"I don’t know" Vince said dejectedly. "What?"

"I don’t know but you just stepped in it" Hue replied.

Looking down at his foot Vince could see he was standing in a pool of liquid flesh with chunks of black and white fur stuck to it. "Oh well. Worse things have happened" said Vince. "Like the slaughtering of innocent women and children, cultural eradication, and the expropriation of lands" said Vince despairingly.

Although the slaughtering of innocent women and children, cultural eradication, and the expropriation of lands had been happening all over the world since the dawn of man’s existence it had been especially bad in the U.S.A. INC™. The company had been founded on these traditions when the first settlers arrived from Europe to start a new life and make money. When the slaughtering of innocent women and children, cultural eradication, and the expropriation of lands weren’t happening in the company they were happening as a result of the company’s decisions. Of course some of the most treacherous examples of these traditions could be traced back to the early years when the company was young.

It was especially bad concerning the people who had lived in the U.S.A. INC™ before the company had been started. The "Indians" as they were called or "Native Americans" had lived relatively peaceful lives for thousands of years on the land now known as the U.S.A. INC™. Although many Native Americans lived off the land by hunting and fishing, the large majority of Native Americans were farmers. In the south west, for example, Native Americans had cultivated the science of agriculture beyond that of the Europeans by inventing irrigation, a process that the Europeans hadn’t thought of by that time. It was actually quite interesting how many things the Native Americans had thought of and invented before the Europeans. Of course the largest accomplishment ever achieved by the Native Americans was the colonization of space in the eight-teen-hundreds.

Ever since Christopher Columbus had "discovered" the Americas life for Native Americans had been treacherous and miserable. It started with the outbreak of incurable diseases that ravished the countryside killing millions. As Native Americans were contending with the diseases they soon found out that the settlers and the Christians wanted to kill them too. This, of course they couldn’t understand because they had taught them how to farm and had helped them survive the first harsh winters after their arrival. Besides the murdering, and ravishing of the countryside, what really infuriated the Native Americans, was how the Europeans thought they had discovered the Americas. How could they have discovered the Americas when they [the Native Americans] had been there all along? Besides, the Native Americans in the north east had been dealing with the Vikings for centuries. And that was another funny thing. Why did the Christians and the settlers want to kill them? Hell even the barbarous Vikings never wanted to do that!

At first the Native Americans took pity on the settlers and Christians that were trying to kill them. It was obvious to the Native Americans that these people were sick and "less evolved", thus the leaders of the Native Americans preached doctrines of peace. "Only fight when it is absolutely necessary" they said. "We must help our white brothers" they said.

Of course as time went on Native Americans soon found out that it was absolutely necessary to fight almost every day and soon they had had enough. Giving up the hope of saving the white man Native Americans decided it was of ultimate importance to leave the Earth. Life could not be as bad on all of the planets as it was on Earth, so the Native Americans decided to study science and astronomy. By the eight-teen-hundreds they had successfully been to the moon and had mastered space travel.

Although some chiefs were against the space program because they didn’t want to leave white man, as sick as he was, the majority considered it a lost cause and the great Native American leaders decided to hold a grand meeting in the most dense and isolated wilderness. Native Americans from all over the Americas congregated in the vast Canadian wilderness to discuss the problem at hand.

The most moving speech was given by the great Native American leader Sitting Bull who advocated the expedient flight from the planet Earth. The highlights from his speech go as follows:

"Brothers and sisters there is nothing left for us on this planet. The white man has done nothing but harm us and though we have shown him that peace is the answer, he does not listen. He is blind and he does not hear! Now he insists on destroying our natural resources and forcing us onto reservations. If we stay here we will perish! But all is not lost! We have found a perfectly inhabitable planet that is suitable for carbon based life forms like ourselves. Since there are no humanoids on this planet we have decided that it is the perfect place for us to reside, as our presence there will not offend anyone. On this new planet there is plentiful game and rich soil for agriculture. There our people will flourish! There our people will live in peace and harmony with the foster mother."

Having expressed a plethora of logical reasons to leave Sitting Bull went on with his speech. "But brothers and sisters I am sad to announce that I can not join you on your mission to the New World. Crazy Horse and I have decided that some of us must stay and fight the white man so that he does not expect that we have left. If we were all to leave at once the white man would surely notice and it would not be long before he would follow. Some of us must make a great sacrifice! Our top researchers and analysts assure us that it will be hundreds of years before white man will discover space travel. And it will be hundreds of thousands of years before he will have advanced far enough to travel to the new solar system. We firmly believe that if white man is able to develop the technology to travel to the foster mother he will be more highly evolved. Perhaps then he will be civilized and ready to deal with us in a civilized manner. We look forward to that day! We look forward to the day that white man is able to travel to the foster mother to live with us in peace, but until then we must consider the survival of our people above all else. Though it is a great sacrifice, we ask that some of you stay and help us fight the white man. The Great Spirit will be thankful! As for the rest of you, we will tell the white man that you died of small pox. He will surely believe it as he can’t tell us apart from one another anyway. He thinks that we all look the same and he will not miss those of you who leave. The rest of us will cover your tracks. After the great take off we will destroy all evidence of the space program to ensure that white man will not follow until he is ready. Thank you brothers and sisters. I wish you all, the best of luck."

After three days of long good-byes and heartache the majority of the Native Americans boarded the giant space ships and took off for the foster mother. Out of those who stayed behind the majority was comprised of brave warriors with grand aspirations to help their loved ones escape. Others stayed behind to seek revenge while a small minority of the more optimistic elders and chiefs still had the notion that they could save the white man. Though they would try for the remainder of their lives most of them would die in isolation of mental anguish and disappointment.

Upon landing on the foster mother, Native Americans began living like they always had. Since they had already evolved into a relatively peaceful society and learned to live in harmony with nature, Native Americans didn’t have much else to learn. Their main concerns were continuing the traditions of peace and living in harmony with nature. As the Native Americans perfected these skills and traditions they awaited the day that white man would come and live in peace with them.

Upon arriving on the "New World" in the year 4092 the consumers of the U.S.A. INC™ insisted that they had discovered it. When the landing party beamed down from the ship into a Native American village the first thing they did was cut down a tree to use for a flag poll. Of course the Native Americans, who had been expecting the white man, thought that the landing party was joking and took it all in good humor.

Offering a hand in friendship the Native Americans taught the landing party how to grow the purple colored Zarcon berries and how to hunt the strange creatures that inhabited the planet. Things went well between the Native Americans and the landing party at first. Even though the landing party insisted that they were not joking about the flag pole and the whole discovery bit, the Native Americans were able to accept them. They thought white man’s "little prank" was funny and although it was getting old, it was harmless.

It was when the Native American women started coming down with AIDS and genital herpes that the Chiefs began to have their doubts. Of course this was just the beginning. Soon more colonists began to arrive on giant ships, bringing with them lots of possessions. They insisted on dividing up the land into property. Even though the concept of owning property was absurd the Native Americans didn’t feel threatened. There was plenty of land for everyone and there was no way that the consumers of the U.S.A. INC™ were going to take it all.

When the colonists started calling them savages and putting them on reservations the Native Americans realized that their people were in danger again. "How could white man have learned nothing after all this time?" they wondered. Soon the colonists built grand stadiums and began using the Native American image for sports logos. It was totally absurd, considering that all of the sports logos they were using focused on the Sioux feathered headdress. None of the Native Americans on the foster mother wore feathered headdresses! They had left that custom on Earth with the Sioux who stayed behind to fight and they considered it a disgrace to their brave ancestors who had stayed, that the colonists would use the feathered headdress for a sports logo. As the Native Americans began to discuss the problem at hand it became clear to them that this time things would be different. This time the colonists had brought weapons of mass destruction.






On their way to the restaurant Vince sat in the passenger seat while Hue drove. As Vince stared out the window at the passing scenery he thought about the Native Americans and his eyes welled up with tears. "Humans are wretched" he thought. Vince was sad and despondent as he let out a forlorn sigh.

The Native American experience was terrible and it was one of the stories that ate at him like cancer. Not wanting to bring his brother down, Vince tried to think about something else. As he continued to stare out the window he thought about the reincarnation of Karl Marx.

Karl Marx had been reincarnated on May seventeenth of the year 4418 . This time he had returned to preach a doctrine of love and kindness for fellow man. Of course the best way to achieve this, according to Karl Marx, was to find meaningful labor. Actually his new doctrine was quite similar to his old one but this time he had decided to make it simpler for people to understand. One of the problems with his first life had been that everything he had written had been too difficult for most humans to understand. Though everything he had written had the right message, except for the whole non-existence of God bit, it was too difficult for most people to understand him. And then of course there was Stalin. Marx didn’t want to be taken out of context this time.

Unfortunately before he could finish the manifesto, this time in the form of a self help book entitled "The Key to Finding Meaningful Labor", a group of Christians mistook him for Jesus Christ and crucified him. He denied being the Son of God right up to the very end but it didn’t help. By denying he was the Son of God Marx just made himself fit the stereotype.

When Jesus Christ came back to save mankind from his sins, just ten years later, he looked at the world with disgust. He couldn’t believe that his children hadn’t learned anything while he had been gone. At first Jesus decided he would do what he had come for anyway but when he found out that his would be disciples were in prison for crucifying his good friend Karl Marx he grew sad and despondent. Trying to gather followers anyhow, Jesus became bitter and enraged. Every time he started to make progress his followers would get arrested for blowing up abortion clinics. Even though he told them it was wrong they just kept on doing it and soon Jesus gave up. This time he would not be able to fix it. God was going to have to figure this one out on his own.

Though Jesus eventually did gather a following it just didn’t seem to be working out very well. Most of the people who listened to him were bankers and corporate executives. Though they claimed to agree with him they still refused to give up the pursuit of money above all else and they always wanted to meet in an opulent church. They would not come to the sermons that Jesus gave outside. Eventually it became too much for Jesus to bear.

Having suffered from depression for far too long Jesus decided to end it. They would not have to crucify him this time. As Jesus carefully pointed the barrel of a twelve gauge shotgun towards his head he preached his final sermon. "Life is a gift from God" he laughed sarcastically. "Fuck this shit" he said…and he blew his head off.






Sitting in the restaurant Vince told Hue about his hatred for life, humanity, and everything. He told him about all of the corrupt actions and abuse of power that humans had been guilty of since the beginning of their existence and he finished by talking about the second coming of Jesus. "Life is wretched" he said.

"Lighten up" said Hue. "Why do you care so much?"

"I don’t know" answered Vince dejectedly.

"Look" said Hue. "You have to think about it as I do."

"Life is like watching bowling on the computer" said Vince blankly. "Oh that’s rich."

"No" said Hue. "This planet is a giant ball of shit. You just have to laugh at it. I mean…it smells bad, it’s incredibly dirty, and there isn’t enough toilet paper for everybody" he said.

"Well I think it stinks" said Vince.

"That’s right. Now you’re getting it" said Hue.

If Hue and Vince only knew the rest of the story about Jesus it all would have made sense to them. Of course it wouldn’t have helped them but at least they would have understood things better.

After Jesus blew his head off his spirit left his material body and it rose upwards towards Heaven. Although Jesus was glad to be leaving Earth he still felt sad. By the time he reached the pearly gates of Heaven Jesus was feeling a little better but he still wasn’t happy. Saint Peter was standing by the gate checking names like he always did.

"Hi Peter" said Jesus despondently.

"Jesus! You’re back already" cried Peter.

Jesus hung his head down in shame. "Yea" he said. "It didn’t go the way I had planned" he said. And then he tried to change the subject. "Hey Peter, is Marx here yet?" he asked.

"Yea Marx got here awhile ago."

"How’s he doing?" asked Jesus.

"He’s doing good. Says his wrists still hurt though. I tried to tell him that he can’t feel pain being as he’s dead and all but he insists that he does."

It was a strange phenomena but for some reason souls that left their material body by way of crucifixion always bared scars and often continued to feel certain sensations of pain in the afterlife. Though the pain would eventually subside it often took centuries.

"It’s the whole crucifixion thing" said Jesus. "I felt it too."

"They didn’t crucify you this time too did they?" asked Peter.

"Ugh…no…look have you seen my father?" asked Jesus.

A painful look grew over Peter’s face. "He’s where he always is" said Peter contemptuously.

"Thanks" said Jesus trying not to show any emotion.

Jesus went straight to the grand palace that God had insisted upon construing for himself . As Jesus entered the master bedroom he found his father watching an antique television set that he had been watching ever since he had seen it used by humans. It was an enormous, big screen, color TV made by SONY™. Well…actually God had made it himself and it had been he who slapped the SONY™ logo on the side. The reason that God hadn’t gone digital, like everyone else, was unknown but most just assumed he liked watching his programming on the TV screen better.

"Hey Dad we’ve got to talk" said Jesus as he entered the room.

God was watching a baseball game that was taking place on the more recently inhabited "New World". It was the same planet known as the "foster mother" by the peaceful Native Americans who had by this time been decimated.

When Jesus entered the room he startled his father, who was sitting on the edge of his bed doing the tomahawk chop.

"Go braves!" he shouted.

"Dad we’ve got to talk" said Jesus again.

"What the hell are you doing back so soon" grumbled God in a raspy voice. He was angry with Jesus for interrupting his game.

"Look…Dad…the humans aren’t doing so well" he said.

"What the hell do you mean they’re not doing well" God shouted. "Don’t you like baseball?"

"Look Dad…they’re sick" Jesus tried to present his point of view but was interrupted by God again.

"Hey! Did you bring me back the Guinness™ I asked for?"

"No. Dad you don’t need to be drinking that stuff anymore" Jesus said. "Look…Dad…I think you have a drinking problem" Jesus said sadly.

"Jesus Christ" said God angrily. "Here we go again!" he said.

"Dad…you know I don’t like it when you use my name in vain" said Jesus with a hurt look in his eye.

"Get me a beer" God replied.

"No" said Jesus softly. "I won’t enable you anymore."

"Get me a beer now!" screamed God.

"But Dad…you’re omnipotent!" he hollered. "Get your own beer!"

"GET ME A BEER NOW!" God roared. This time making the whole palace shake.

Jesus walked out of the master bedroom and into the kitchen. Sadly Jesus noted that the carpet was worn and matted down to form a trail that connected the kitchen to the master bedroom. Though God didn’t need to walk, he had been ever since he got the TV. Worse than that, the only time he would force himself up from bed was when there was nobody around to get him a beer and still there was a trail of worn carpet linking the two rooms.

Of course the fact that they even had rooms was absurd as far as Jesus was concerned. And the fact that they had a refrigerator full of beer was even more absurd. Jesus became enraged and bitter as he reached into the refrigerator and pulled out a BudLight™. Jesus was so angry he wanted to call his father a son of a bitch but even this, as simple as it was, he could clearly not do. "What do you call someone who has always existed?" Jesus thought to himself as he walked back to the master bedroom.

"You’re nothing but a lousy drunk!" he screamed as he maliciously tossed the can of BudLight™ at his father.

"If you don’t watch your mouth I’ll send you to the fiery pits of Hell to stay with your mother" God roared.

One of the errors in the Bible has to do with the origins of Satan. Satan was not a fallen angel as it was written. In reality Satan was God’s ex-wife. She had only married him because he was the "richest" and indeed most powerful being in the universe. When she filed for divorce God was devastated. He felt so poorly that he didn’t use his omnipotent powers in the intergalactic divorce court. Had God been less depressed at the time he never would have gone in the first place. Anyhow as a result of the trial Satan walked off with fifty percent of everything he owned, and since God didn’t own anything at the time, she got fifty percent of his powers. The fallen angel passage had only been put in the Bible because God was trying to cover up the whole scandal. Nobody in the family could bear the thought of anyone knowing their dark secret.

"Oh sure!" screamed Jesus. "Just pass me off to Mom like all of your other problems. She’s down there dealing with the worst people you can imagine because you won’t take responsibility for your mistakes!"

"Good" laughed God. "I hope she likes it. I think I’m going to think of something worse to send her this time. Let’s see…she has plenty of cereal killers, the president of WALMART™, Hitler, Charles Manson, Pol Pot and Barney…maybe I’ll start sending her people who are clinically depressed and apathetic!" God laughed. "Yea that’s it! That’s perfect!" he exclaimed.

Torn between his mother and his father Jesus never knew whose side to take. Not knowing what to do but not wanting to fight with his father anymore , Jesus ran out of the master bedroom crying. He ran downstairs into his bedroom and buried his face in his pillow. There, on his bed, Jesus would sob for hours while he pretended to shout insults at his father. Sometimes he would cry until his good friend Karl Marx came and talked to him. Marx’s clear mind and good intentions always seemed to be soothing to Jesus. After all he was the only real friend that Jesus had. He was the only one who understood Jesus’ love for humanity and he was the only one who had been persecuted for trying to save mankind in the same way that Jesus had. Both of them had been misquoted and taken out of context.






If Hue and Vince would have known about the second part of the story they would have been able to understand why the world was such a mess. The world was all screwed up because God had plunged into alcoholism and was trying to take revenge on his ex-wife. Of course to Vince nothing made sense. All he knew was that everything was terrible and he just felt depressed. Of course this is because Vince really loved humanity. That was why he felt so bad about things. He wanted to help people. He wanted change. He wanted to make a difference. Not that Hue cared much at all. Hue could have cared less if the whole thing was engulfed in flames. Actually it would probably be much better if it was. This of course was not an option according to Satan.

Satan had only visited Earth twice. The first time she visited Earth Satan had come with the intention of tricking Adam and Eve into eating the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. "This would surely piss God off" she thought. The second time she visited the planet Earth she realized what a mistake the whole thing had been.

It was the year 4232 and Satan had returned for the apocalypse. According to the plan she was going to engulf the entire Earth in flames and make mankind pay for his sins. Upon her arrival in New York Satan began by making buildings explode, causing terror and widespread panic in the streets. It was raining fire and Satan’s nefarious laugh could be heard all throughout the city. In her alien form Satan had reptilian skin and a long tail. Her eyes glowed iridescently with the reflection of flames and destruction. This was one bitch you did not want to mess with. But then…suddenly she stopped.

Satan took notice of the world she was destroying. It was hideous, far worse than Hell. Everything was made of concrete, it had been cold and blustery just before she arrived and she assumed that was how it usually was. Looking across the street Satan saw a man dying of hunger. Right next to the man dying of hunger Satan saw a guy with a ski mask trying to mug an elderly lady. He was holding a knife up to her throat and was trying to take her purse. Satan decided this was far too strange and decided to approach the mugger.

"What the hell are you doing?" she asked.

"I’m robbing this bitch!" he screamed.

"What?" asked Satan in disbelief.

"I said I’m robbing this bitch!" screamed the mugger in agitation.

"But…this is the apocalypse" said Satan incredulously. "I’m going to destroy the world. Didn’t you notice that it was raining fire?"

The mugger stopped what he was doing and looked up at the sky. Now that she mentioned it he was feeling a bit warm. The sky was black. The mugger looked around. Buildings were on fire, people were screaming, cars were overturned, and people were dying.

"What’s new" said the mugger.

"But…" contested Satan.

"Look bitch" said the mugger. "I’m trying to make a fucking living here. Get the fuck out of my way or I’ll slit your fucking throat."

Taking a few steps back Satan was astonished. She was going to have to figure this one out before she did anything else. She walked around the city and was surprised to find that her presence didn’t seem to scare anyone. Actually many of the cyber punks looked more hideous than she did. As Satan was standing on the sidewalk, watching an old couple fight, she saw a black pickup truck passing by. It was full of teenagers wearing sports caps with Native American logos and t-shirts with the names of colleges printed across them. As the truck rolled past Satan, one of the teenagers stuck a paintball gun out the window and commenced to fire.

"You dirty fucking hippie" screamed the teenagers as the truck squealed around the corner and out of sight. Satan looked down at her legs. She was covered with blue paint and left with welts on her face. Before she could recover a business man toting a fine leather brief case by SkinEMs™ bumped into her, knocking her to the ground.

"Watch where you’re going dirtball" grumbled the guy as he rushed past her. Satan stood up and brushed herself off. She was going to have to figure this one out.

Instead of commencing the apocalypse Satan decided to travel the world. She wanted to see everything so that she could better understand the situation. Ten years later, having studied human history, having followed current events, and having traveled the world Satan decided that life on Earth was a far better punishment than anything she could come up with. Up until this point Satan had followed a strict anti-reincarnation policy. No one left the fiery pits of Hell for any reason what so ever. When she said eternity she meant it. Of course that would have to change. After learning about the Native American experience Satan had seen enough and she left for the warm comforts of home. She had spent far too much time in this hell-hole. Besides she had lots of work to do. She needed to start sending people back.

After they finished eating at the restaurant Hue and Vince went straight home. Vince was going to be staying for a few days, but Hue had to work the next day. He was tired and was looking forward to turning himself off for the night. Both of them went right to sleep upon arriving at Hue’s apartment, neither one of them knew what was in store for them the next day. Neither one of their lives would ever be the same again.






The next day started out just like any other. Having hit the snooze button on his alarm only five times that morning, Hue rose out of bed early. He was only half an hour late for work so he had time to get ready. Just like he always did Hue started a pot of Happy Harvest Coffee™ and flipped on his computer. Channel 9 news was doing a report on the Mars 2 space station.

"And on a more tragic note an explosion has been reported to have decimated the Mars 2 space station early this morning. Reporting to us live on location via RapiNet™, yes RapiNet™ the fastest Internet service provider is our very own Terry Whitman. Terry what can you say about this tragic occurrence ."

The picture switched to a shot of Terry Whitman reporting live on location. He was standing in front of the image of the Mars 2 space station frozen in explosion. Though it was obvious that Terry was standing in front of a blue screen Hue didn’t seem to take notice, or maybe he just didn’t care.

"Well first of all Bob I think it’s important to note that every negative has a positive. Though it may be sad, or in other words ‘tragic’ that the space station has exploded, I think it’s important to recognize the fact that many sick people have been put out of their misery"

"Terry, do you have any idea as to what may have caused this explosion?"

"Well Bob, the DETECTIVES™ on the scene all agree that the explosion was an unexplainable fluke. It was probably caused by an equipment failure."

"Well there you have it folks! There’s a bright side to every story. We can be glad the people on the Mars 2 space station wont be suffering anymore."

"It would seem the glass is half full after all"

"That’s right, ha, ha, ha."

"Ha, ha, ha."

"…And in today’s sports the New World Indians…"

Hue walked away from the computer and poured himself a cup of coffee. "So much for the revolution" he said to himself and he got ready for work.

Hue arrived at the MaxiTouch™ commercial photography corporation only an hour late. "Good to see you here on time" said Hue’s boss as Hue walked into his work area and started peeling potatoes. For some reason the food stylist in the planning and testing division wanted to see what he could do with potatoes . He wasn’t quite sure what kind of an aesthetic arrangement he was going to be testing but just knew that he wanted lots of potatoes. Hue had only been peeling potatoes for an hour when he heard a loud mechanical buzz. It was Andrew the dishbot.

"Hi Hue! How are you doing today?" squawked Andrew.

"I’m here" said Hue. He was kind of agitated by Andrews mechanical buzzing. The fact that Andrew was happy and chipper didn’t help either.

"Hey…Hue…I just wanted to tell you that the conversation we had the other day was great" piped Andrew.

"What?" asked Hue blankly.

"I mean it’s nice to be able to relate to someone" said Andrew.

Hue didn’t know what to say. Had he been talking to Andrew the dishbot? He could vaguely remember talking to him about politics but they surely didn’t connect on that issue. And then he remembered. Sometime during the conversation about politics he had turned himself off! It must have been the conversation they had while he was off that Andrew was referring to. "A damn shame I can’t remember a word of it" thought Hue silently as he turned to Andrew and smiled. "Yea" said Hue. "It’s really great isn’t it?" Hue lied and immediately turned himself off. He was starting to get really good at this, so good in fact, he might even make a few friends. Little did Hue know that this would be the last day he worked at the MaxiTouch™ commercial photography company. Little would he have cared either. Hue was in his favorite state of being. He didn’t feel anything for anyone and he cared about nothing.






Up in Heaven, centuries after he had confronted his father, Jesus was still in his bedroom crying. "He doesn’t even care!" Jesus screamed. Everything seemed to be going wrong for him. His Dad was an alcoholic who was bent on making life on Earth terrible in an effort to seek revenge on his mother Satan. His mother Satan wouldn’t even light the God forsaken planet on fire, and he had failed in his attempt to save mankind. He had blown his head off. "Everything is all messed up and nobody cares!" Jesus let out huge sobs as he tried to talk. His voice was too shaky and his words too obscured by his sobbing to be understood.

Just then the somber and understanding face of Karl Marx came into view. At first Jesus didn’t know who he was. His vision was blurred by his tears but as he wiped them away the round figure of Karl Marx materialized in the doorway. Marx had become calm and gentle since he had been staying in Heaven. He was a good hearted soul. As Marx started to talk his big gray beard moved up and down in a way that was always soothing to Jesus. This was because Marx reminded him of Santa Claus.

"Hello there little Jesus" said Marx delicately.

"Uncle Marx! Uncle Marx!" shouted Jesus.

"I’m not your uncle" stated Marx calmly.

"Oh I know" said Jesus enthusiastically. He felt happy just at the sight of him. "But I wish you were!" hooted Jesus. "Can I sit on your lap? Please! Please! Please! Please! Please! Can I?"

The expression that grew across Marx’s face was the very same expression he had worn when he had seen a group of Christians standing outside his house with a giant wooden cross. But knowing it was the right thing to do and not wanting to hurt Jesus anymore, Marx consented. "Sure you can…come on little Jesus" Marx said softly as he sat down on the side of the bed and patted his thighs with his hands. Jesus hurled himself on to Marx and clung to him like a little monkey.

"Tell me a story! Tell me a story!" shouted Jesus.

Marx tried to hide his agitation. He was so glad he wasn’t wearing red. It would have been so much worse if he was wearing red. "Look…Jesus…I didn’t come here to tell you a story" said Marx as calmly as possible. "I think you know why I’m here."

Jesus looked away sharply as his joy gave way to sadness. He couldn’t lie to Marx. "Do you know about…"

"Yes" said Marx.

"Ugh…I was just…"

"It’s O.K." said Marx. "Earth is a terrible place."

There was a brief silence, then Marx continued. He knew he had to lie in order to bring Jesus out of this one. Well…he either had to lie or he had to put on the Santa Claus suit. "Look…Jesus…everything’s going to work out. You’re a bright kid and I have faith in you. If you want to save the world I think you can do it."
"Really?" said Jesus with a hint of glee in his voice.

Marx thought about the last time he had worn the Santa Claus suit. Jesus had pulled on his beard almost fifty times to see if it was real. "Yes…really" said Marx.

Jesus began to smile. Karl was such a good friend. "Will you help me Uncle Karl?"

A look of pain crossed Marx’s face. He had tried to save humanity twice and had failed miserably. The only reason he had told Jesus that he believed in him was because he didn’t think Jesus would try again. After all Jesus had tried just as hard as he had but Jesus had gotten burned worse on the whole deal. Marx figured if he were to profess his faith in Jesus, Jesus would cheer up a bit but he didn’t think Jesus would actually consider going back again. Hell even Satan had only been there twice and that was enough for her.

"Ugh…look…Jesus…ugh…"

"Will you help me?" asked Jesus with a big smile on his face.

Marx just didn’t have the heart to tell him. The poor kid had been through so much with his father and all. On the other hand there was no way he was going back to that God forsaken planet. At this point Marx wished he had just put on the damn Santa Claus suit. "Look…Jesus…

I think you need to do the ground work first. I mean…the world isn’t ready to accept my philosophy yet. If you could take care of some of the more pressing problems like all of the senseless killings and…well then I’d come down and help with the rest…but I mean…you know I’m not cut out for the whole…"

"No problem!" shouted Jesus in glee. "I’ll do it Uncle Marx. I’ll get on it right away and after I get things rolling you’ll come. Right?"

"Well yea. If you can get some of the ground work done, I’d be willing to help with the meaningful labor" said Marx with an awkward smile.

Jesus was elated as he got up to leave. "I’ll do it right now!" he screamed as he went for the door.
"Jesus wait!" Marx yelled.

Jesus stood in the doorway looking at Marx dumbfounded. "What?" he asked.

Tears welled up in Marx’s eyes as he looked down at his wrists. "Be careful" he said. "Watch out for those Christians" he said as he pawed at his left wrist. He could still remember the pain from having been crucified.

"Don’t worry…I will!" shouted Jesus as he ran from his bedroom. "Don’t you worry Uncle Marx! I will."






The sleek silver spaceship streaked across the starlight sky at a speed faster than light. As the blur of stars striped past the view-screen Jesus sang to himself loud and ungracefully. He was slightly out of tune. "This little light of mine! I’m gonna let it shine! This little light of mine! I’m gonna let it shine!"

Jesus was off to save the world and he was feeling great. It had been a long time since he had been this happy. For once he felt purposeful. Marx’s pep talk had really helped. If Marx had faith in him there was nothing that could stop him. Even if he didn’t do it for himself he had to do it for Marx! This time Jesus was determined not to fail!

Jesus had been traveling in the cramped confines of the spaceship for roughly three years. It was a long flight from Heaven to Earth even at divine speeds and Jesus was getting anxious to arrive. "Computer" said Jesus.

Immediately after he uttered the word "computer" Jesus could hear a quick series of electronic gurgles that signified that the computer was at his command. "Are we there yet?" asked Jesus in a whiny voice.

"I told you! We’ll get there when we get there!" snapped the computer. It had heard this question too many times during the course of the three year journey and was getting tired of Jesus’ incessant complaining.

"But I have to go to the bathroom" complained Jesus.

"Then go!" retorted the computer. "There is a bathroom on the ship you know!"

"But I don’t like it" whined Jesus.

The computer cut out. It wasn’t going to listen to anymore of this crap. It wished it was still parked in the palace garage up in Heaven. Jesus had always thought it absurd to have a garage but God had insisted. When God had built the silver spaceship in the form of a ship made by Micronetics™ that he had seen on TV, Jesus became outraged. He never thought it would be useful and it was actually quite shocking that Jesus was using it to get to Earth. Though Jesus had used the spaceship once before, he detested it and he wouldn’t have been using it if he didn’t have to but Jesus didn’t have any other options. When he tried to travel to Earth by way of Immaculate Conception, like he always had before, he ran into some unexpected problems.

There were no virgins old enough to bring Jesus into the world, and since Immaculate Conception only worked with virgins, Jesus was forced to find another alternative. Jesus was forced to steal his father’s spaceship. Of course Jesus preferred the term "borrow". He had every intention of returning the ship to his father when he was done with it and besides it wasn’t like God needed it for anything. God was too busy watching TV and getting drunk to notice it was missing.

Of course Jesus would have asked for his father’s permission to use it if he thought his father would say yes but Jesus knew that he wouldn’t. The last thing that God wanted was for Jesus to save the world. If Jesus were to save the world then there would be less people going to Hell and God clearly didn’t want that.

As Jesus cruised along in the "borrowed" spacecraft he couldn’t help but notice how good it felt to be rebelling against his father. Ever since God had started drinking, Jesus had been acting more rebellious. It was God’s drinking that had driven him to talk back and disobey. Hell it was the lack of attention that had caused him to grow his hair long in the first place.

As Jesus maneuvered the ship to fall in behind a comet he knew he was getting close. Jesus had timed his arrival to coincide with the comet Hale Bob. The reason of course, was that he had to evade the sensors controlled by the ENFORCERS™ and he figured he would go undetected if he was surfing behind the comet Hale Bob. Once he was in orbit he would be lost amongst the other ships and would have nothing to fear. It was the approach that was delicate. Of course if the ENFORCERS™ found him it was probable that Jesus wouldn’t have any problems. He was riding in a duplicate of a Micronetics™ space cruiser but he didn’t have any identification. Jesus knew it would be difficult to persuade the ENFORCERS™ that he was in fact Jesus of Nazareth if he didn’t have any identification so he elected to evade their sensors and enter orbit covertly.

Comet surfing was a difficult thing to do and Jesus was glad that he had done it once before. Of course he tried not to think about it as he approached the Earth. The last time Jesus had been comet surfing he had a terrible experience and he didn’t want to think about it. It had been another grand failure for Jesus and he didn’t want it to get him down at this crucial point in the journey.

The last time that Jesus had been comet surfing had been in the twentieth century and the circumstances had been almost identical. The last time, like this time, Jesus had been riding the tail of the comet Hale Bob and had been approaching the planet Earth. Of course the main difference was the mission. The last time Jesus had been